Good Morning Ladies and Happy Valentine’s Day. I am saying that because it is Valentine’s Day, in my opinion the most worthless overrated holiday. However, this is just my opinion. I don’t see anything “Romantic” about a 3 hour wait at a Restaurant or $100 Flowers that die in a few days. Of course, many would probably say that I am bitter, but the truth is, I have my Valentine, actually I have 2. Yes, I have been the betrayed spouse, but my relationship has lasted through it. We have always spent every holiday together, and in my situation, the affairs were quick sexual affairs. Thankfully, I have never had to deal with an emotional attachment. So no, I do not hate Valentine’s Day because I am alone, because I am not alone.
I was asked what I would like to do today, and I just want to stay home because the love of my life would not be able to go out to a romantic dinner with us. He is 5 years old and would have to stay home with a babysitter and after all, he actually asked me if I would be his Valentine weeks ago when Disney Jr. started airing their Valentine’s Day shows on TV! Sorry for my other Valentine, he just waited too long. 
I think it is sad that we have to have a day to show that we love and are loved, a day where a man brings you flowers and candy because he is obligated –after all, all your friends are getting them. Now maybe I am wrong, but I don’t want to receive flowers just because you’re supposed to get them, I want to get flowers “just because”. I don’t think that there needs to be a day to remind that person that you love them, because you should be reminded that you love and are loved every day, not only on February 14th.
So today, I will be spending the day with my best Valentine, and when he falls asleep tonight, perhaps I will watch a movie with my 2nd Valentine! I do not want flowers; I do not want jewelry or candy. He knows this, but of course I will probably end up with something because again –I am quite sure he feels obligated, what would his friends think? The best thing would be for him to just get me M&M’s. Really, I don’t really need to eat them, but there is something sentimental with us and M&M’s. Hey, they are cheap, but I would prefer that over diamonds and flowers. You know why? Because he would have had to put thought into it. That would mean that he was thinking about me not just rushing around to get me something I do not want or need, but something that would make me look in his eyes, smile and know that he “remembers”.
So ladies, whether you are together or alone, just remember that today is just another day! Do something for yourself whether it be reading, just lying around or treating yourself to something special because you deserve it!
Ariella ♥
P.S. I have no excuse for not blogging although I have been very busy lately! I miss all of you, I catch up when I can and I hope everyone is doing well!
You know, I was just scrolling through my facebook and not a single happy OMG my man bought me this special gift type post at all. It was all either single people feeling sorry for themselves or parents sharing things from and to their kids. Occasional comments about going to dinner with the spouse. The truth is though that everyone does it because they feel obligated, less so than out of their heart. If you are in a relationship you feel obligated. If you are not you feel you have been jilted. It’s all silly because it doesn’t really indicate how a person feels about you that they bought you something today. It shows how they feel obligated to act. I haven’t gotten anything from the Professor and I think he is holding back because he doesn’t want to give me the wrong idea about our relationship. That’s what I suspect anyway. He bought my kids and I Christmas gifts, he’s brought things by for no reason on other occasions so I really shouldn’t get my feelings hurt if he ends up doing nothing today. Still we have that feeling that someone who is involved in our life “should” get something. Well, trying to get past that over here!! I bought some chocolates but am debating whether or not to give them to HIM because I don’t want to seem like pushing for something I am not,. So many things to consider and it just makes it stressful rather than doing something out of the heart.
Hi, and I agree. I think there is too much obligation for Valentines day! If I were you I would get in my pajamas, grab the chocolates and watch a movie!
Regardless of what you end up doing or what happens, enjoy your day!
Hi Ariella,
I am so happy to hear from you! My heart rejoices that you and John are still doing so well! My husband and I have recently separated and I am once again filing for divorce. This is a painful Valentines Day as we had “romantic” plans. I had a woman contact me and tell me about my husband double life (yet again). She had all the facts and even went so far as to tell me about his secret FB page and secret cell phone. After very little digging, I found both. My husband claims to be single on his FB page and this woman and he apparently had all kinds of fun. I never asked her what promotes her to tell me about this but she did know about me. Something must have pissed her off and made her contact me. I am convinced there are many other women he has had on the side as well. When he saw me with the cell phone, he snatched it out of my hand and instantly deleted everything before I could read it. It doesn’t matter. I found exactly what I needed in order to move on. He will never change and I am finally forcing myself to accept that. My heart is broken. I was conned, manipulated, cheated on, lied to, and emotionally abused. Part if me is relieved to be moving on as I was feeling so paranoid all the time and I just cannot and will not live my life like that. I am only 26. Surely there is someone better out there for me.
Anyway, I will continue to follow your blog and will keep you posted on my divorce updates. I continue to pray for your family and pleas pray for me.
-Sarah
Sarah,
God, I am so sorry to hear about this! I can tell you that I do understand how it feels and I think you are very strong for leaving him. I know it hurts like crazy, a pain that no one can imagine, but you have to do what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you.
Did you tell him you were divorcing him? You left out some details about that. I know you said you are done, but maybe, just maybe this will make him realize that this is unacceptable behavior and he has to change. Perhaps it is too late, only you wil be able to know that.
I will pray for you and your family! Yes, John and I are doing very well. To be honest, ever since I sold my business and I have been staying home working on my website I have no time! The website keeps me super busy, but I have a lot of guilt with this blog. I really do miss talking to all of you and I miss reading too. I am actually working on catching up on as much as I can tonight. I am sitting in my room with John and we are watching TV and he is like what are you doing, I said blogging. You said its whatever I want to do today and this is what I want to do. Everyone was here for me when I needed them and I felt like I abandoned everyone. Although, that was never my intention!
Please keep me updated! If I don’t make a new post just come back in here and post!
((Hugs))
Hi Sarah and Ariella,
So sorry to hear you are going through all this heartache Sarah. Ariella is so right, now is that time for you to focus on you. Take sometime and figure out what is right for you. What needs to change in your life for you to find healing and peace.
Take care, and take time to love yourself.
Hi Zita,
I can’t believe this is happening to Sarah either. I promised myself I will make time for my blog and spent hours catching up last night. I noticed you haven’t posted lately. I hope all is well!
Ariella
Thanks so much ladies for your support! Our therapist told me he beloved my soon to be ex husband is a sociopath and cannot be changed because he will never admit his problem nor does he have any empathy whatsoever. I am at work struggling to get through the day. Just getting a shower and putting on a little makeup drains me of my energy. Like I said – I wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy! I am full of hate for him and for what he has put me through. I am trying to not be mad at myself for sticking it out as long as I did but shoulda coulda woulda. I refuse to let this piece of shit get the best of me and take away my will to live. I refuse! I am hurt but I feel incredibly strong at the same time. I am heartbroken but relieved to know it is over and I can focus on me not on what he is doing, where he is, if he is cheating on me, all of that has truly exhausted me. He has already moved on to his next “victim” – one day after we are done! Ha! I appreciate the support I feel from this blog and I hope you all continue to do well:)
Ariella I found your blog a few days ago. John disgusts me. I really dont think I’ve ever read something so dysfunctional. You acknowledge he is a serial cheater, but b/c you “love” him, you are wiling to put up with this abuse for the rest of your life? (Serial cheating is a form of severe emotional abuse.) And it will of course never stop. Why should it. You have given John the greenlight to cnotinue cheating in essence, but not enforcing any consequences for his cheating. Your “payback” is to go on line and buy ab unch of crap from Kohls? Seriously? it very much saddens me that you allow this monster to do this to you. He wont even admit he has a problem, and refuses counseling (if I read correctly?) Why are you doing this to yourself??
Let me tell you, being in “love” in no shape or form equates to being contniuously hurt, lied to, and humiliated. In a true, loving relationshiop there is a MUTUAL RESPECT for the partners. John obviously doesnt respect you. But then again, it appears you dont respect yourself. You sound like you are still young. I dont understand why you dont separate, insist on marital and individual counseling, and tell him if it happens again you will file for divorce. Your children will learn of this one day – what will that say for you?
Does John even read this blog? I bet he doesnt – I’m imagining that his wife’s inner turmoil, hurt and personal struggle are of little interest to him.
You seem to justify his behavior on the grounds that there is no emotional affair going on. Thats just aroun dthe corner. it may be 2 years from now, 10 years from now, what not – but eventually it will happen (if it hasnt already).
How do you stand to be intimate with him, when he has been with all these other women? How is GPS tracking, secret phones – one after another after one — how is that any way to live?
I am really saddened and can only hope one day you will reach your breaking point and suitcase this asshole. By the way, you seem to “accept” that he is a Narcissist. Have you read about relationships with narcissists? Its not just like being with soemone who is “jealous” or “messy”. Its a severe psychiatric disorder that ravishes everyone involved.
Ariella I hope one day soon you see the light. Are you planning on marrying? I cant imagine the vow ceremony – wtf?? Best luck and please keep writing.
Hi MJ,
Thank you for your comment. Since I have stopped blogging, I actually found out a lot about Narcissists and John fits a Narcissist to a tee except for the anger and rage. He does not have that. As far as this blog, he does know I have it and he has read some.
It has been months since I have blogged on here and to be honest, things have been going really well. I wish I did find the time to blog, but I started a new business that has kept me very busy. http://www.shesahomewrecker.com That is my new business, and John does know about that too. . .