Many women have written letters to their husbands OW/AP through their blogs. I never officially wrote a letter, but in a few of my posts I have certainly told her how I felt. Well, she attempted to call him yesterday through someone else and he told me. He didn’t tell me that she called, but he told me that he got a weird phone call that he missed and when he called it back they said they had the wrong number. A couple of weeks ago, he missed a call very late at night, when he called it back, it was a fax machine which I know happens when you use that website to disguise your number. However, he was the one who told me about this. At least he is being honest. So instead of focusing energy on her, (although I wouldn’t mind focusing my fist in her face) I have decided to write a letter to John. . . I am planning on giving it to him as well. It is not very long and detailed, just how I feel right now. . .
John,
It has been almost 4 months since you came to me and told me you wanted to give our relationship 100%. You promised me that there will be no more girls, and no more lies. I will never forget the look of fear on your face. I still don’t know if the fear was due to you being afraid to lose me, or if it was the fear of you actually being faithful. Maybe it was both. I know that you have a serious problem when it comes to fidelity; although I’m not sure I will ever really understand why.
The past few months have been incredible. I look at you and I see a completely different man. You have changed the circle of friends that you interact with on a daily basis, and you never go out to the bars anymore. You have completely given up drinking and have been so focused on your businesses. I feel like you have shown me more respect and love in the past 3 ½ months then you have in over 6 years. I truly have faith that this is our time, that you are done with cheating and are really ready to settle down.
For me, the past couple of months have been great but, I still can’t trust you. You do know this right? We just had this talk the other day while we were having lunch. You looked at me and said; “baby, I really am not doing anything”. You seemed to be surprised that I didn’t trust you. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that it has only been 3 ½ months! At times I feel as though you expect way too much from me. You have broken my heart into a million pieces, and you fail to understand that you are the only one who can help me put it back together. I WANT to trust you, I really do. I hate living with that constant nervous feeling in my stomach. I hate the feeling of always wondering if this is going to be the day that you cheat on me. I DON’T want to live like this. I know it will get easier in time and that eventually I may learn how to trust you again. But for now, you have to continue to be patient with me. . .
Although I truly believe you are giving 100%, I believe that you made me promises that were unrealistic. You promised me no more women calling your phone, and I know that “she” has attempted to get in touch with you. You have told me that a weird numbers have called you. I know you cannot prevent someone from calling your phone, but it still makes me uneasy. We have had that happen a few times in the past few weeks and you have told me. I do respect your honesty, but then there is the part of me that resents you because you are the one who put us in this situation.
I love you John, I really, really love you. After all this time and after all we have been through, you are still the one. I know that it was never your intention to hurt me. I know you love me, more than you have ever loved another woman. All I ask is that you NEVER hurt me again. All I want is for you to love me and respect me. . . and I promise I will continue to do the same.
Love always,
Ariella
Broken Hearted Girl Beyonce, the song that describes my exact feelings for and towards John. . . I have played this for him recently.
“After all this time, you are still the one. You will always be the one. . .”